Honestly, there are so many things in my life that I wish I could have done differently. There are tons of things in my life that I wish I could have said better. There are lots of things in my life that I wish I could have made better. There’s so many things, but there are also some things that I can’t change that I wish I could. One of those things is the person that I am and the personality that I’ve developed over the years. There are many things wrong with me, but something that I think that I have too much of is emotion.
When I say I have “too much emotion”, I mean that I have too many mood swings, like being angry one minute and then being hyper and fun the next. It’s a daily constant battle for me personally to keep control of my emotions and feelings and to keep from either lashing out or just bawling completely. The thing that is the most baffling about this is that I have no idea why any of these emotions happen -- they just do. It’s especially bad when it comes to my experiences with people; experiences meaning my interactions with people, and it’s also bad when it’s something meant to be sad.
One experience I can talk about is when I see or watch something sad. There is a stereotype about women that they cry about nothing or get sad way too easily. If I were to compare myself to this stereotype, I’d say that I would be the cause of this stereotype. Anyway, sometimes when I end up watching something, say, on YouTube, and it just so happens to be one of those videos that is a tear-jerker, I’ll probably cry. I’ve cried multiple times at one of the scenes from the movie Up. Ellie, Carl’s wife, dies in the movie, and after the scene depicted their lives together, it’s a really hard hitter and just makes me bawl when it shows the funeral scene and the gloomy and depressed look of Carl. The thing about this movie is that it’s a Pixar movie, depicted to be for younger audiences, and that just says a lot!
Another problem that I have is interacting with people, depending on the type of conversation we’re having. Usually, this is only when I happen to be arguing or fighting with them. I am the type of person that really, really hates to argue and fight with people, no matter what it may end up being about. It could be entirely your fault and I would still get upset. I sometimes end up crying when I get yelled at or get close to crying. I really don’t like being ridiculed or being in a fight at all. Sometimes when my mother and I get into heated arguments, one of us storms off (usually me) and then I’m standing there either close to crying or crying.
Like I said before, I don’t really know why I’m like this. Maybe it’s my morals getting in the way, or maybe I was just born with a soft heart. But, these emotions can be so draining and they’re pretty difficult for me to control. It’s rough because I try to act like a happy and optimistic person, but then these negative emotions just take over me and everything is gone. Is it a bad thing to be an extremely emotional person? In my opinion, no, at least, depending on the situation. I think it’s good for people to be a softie, because at least you can see that these types of people have compassion in not only their brain, but their heart as well. Sometimes I do wish I could change the fact that I can get really emotional, but it makes me who I am, and I guess that if I didn’t have an emotional personality I wouldn’t be myself at all.